Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
