Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
