I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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