Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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