1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm really into asian looking animals
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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