I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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