If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
