Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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