So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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