you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
