Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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