Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
A+ Viking dick
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
