I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
