My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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