I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
