I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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