She is in my trunk
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
