Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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