bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
