I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
