Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
