After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
