Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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