guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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