If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
