Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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