The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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