Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
