I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
