TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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