god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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