Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
