im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
