I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
