I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
