id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
