I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
