I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Randomize
