when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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