seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So vagazzling was a success
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
