Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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