Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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