my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
