I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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