Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
