Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
