Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
