porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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