I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
