her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
