I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
