Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
