Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
