i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
