When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
