Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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