I hate all girls vehemently.
Non-Jews are for practice
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
