Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
