found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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