I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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