i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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